Twilight

It’s so strange, when I want to write in English I think in Persian and when it’s time for Persian, my mind is over loaded with English phrases, sometimes I even dream in English and the most bizarre part of these dreams is that the English which is spoken is so fluent and I can’t understand some of the words hear in my dreams until I wake up and look it up in dictionary.

Feminism

Have you ever thought that what would happen if time hasn’t had any meaning?

Living in a place where there’s no time, is the all thing that you want, you don’t need to think about your future, cause future has no meaning, you don’t need to drew a plan cause when there’s no time, planning is stupid.

In one sentence you can enjoy your life without being worry about what would happen next.

It was kinda strange these days, after finishing my thesis and applying for some universities, I’ve had plenty of time for myself to do whatever I want, and I found it amazing, considering that this period of my life would be demolished by time and never would happen in my life again.

Once I thought that what would happen if there were no human in the world instead of me? Do I have a simple life without being worry that I’m lagging behind others? After that I found out, it’s very selfish to solve a problem by deleting the question. Think of this in a new way which is not egotistic ;) what would happen if I was the only male human in the world?!

I always respect all the female, not just human, but animal females or most of my objects around me are female, therefore I had no problem if I would be lagged behind by women, cause I knew that I’m the only man in the world, and whatever a woman does to be successful, there’s still another woman to get her place, whereas I’m unique.

Now you think that how I could be feminism when I’m humiliating them, but when you can think that you’re the only male power in the earth then you can mortify all other creatures, that’s what god is doing.

P.s.1 maybe this article seems a little stupid but it’s just a begging for new start, after a long absence, so don’t take it seriously.

P.s.2 last night I wanted to buy a book and there were two publishers and I chose the book which the publisher was woman, and now I’m so sorry cause the quality of it is very low.

P.s.3 I don’t believe in god, I just believe in Goddess, it’s another proof that I’m feminism.

Death of Narcissuses

There was a lady with a basket full of flowers at Mirdamad street. Whenever I were standing behind red light, she came to my car and told me: pesaram, I've beautiful flowers do you want some?

When you saw her smile, and her manner you couldn't resist not buying anything from her, even when I were going to university I bought some flowers from her and leave them in my car.

I can't forget her kind face, I always felt some sadness in her face, but she was such a strong person and hide this sadness with a smile. I always wanted to talk to her but the red light turned green.

Wish she's resting in peace now.

Bitter

There was a time that I couldn’t drink my tea without sugar, passing years of your life is just a process to manipulate you, trick you to find this world a sweeter place. You can’t resist life’s attempts to change things. You would live in a world where you can’t handle your true feelings, everything is fake, and there is no one who can face his true feelings.

I wish I could rub off my memory, or at least had gold fish memo, this would help you to taste your tea and feel that it needs sugar. Time could never trick you to not feel the bitter taste of life.

I can remember the first time that someone told me I love you, and also can remember nights that I found out it was just a sentence, after years of hearing this sentence and realizing that it has no meaning just 3 words that make you happy for a moment and you must not expect any deep and powerful meaning from this sentence.

Unhappy by default

Happiness is an emotional experience expressed in a very personal way. It’s a very personal feeling that sometimes can be shared. Happiness is 50 percent genetic, what you do with the other half of the challenge depends largely on determination. Our culture tell us that money can buy happiness; the more you have, the happier you will be, but it’s not true, because happiness and wealth are both factors for achieving a good life, for instance people with a lot of money still take depression pills. But then, what make us happy? According to some researches, being educated, being married, and being religious, helps people to be happier; however I can never be happy by being married, or being religious, having good friends, understanding family and a motivator in my life, are the only things that make me happy.

While some people think that obtaining happiness is something personal, in my opinion you can never be successful in your life until you share your happiness with your friends. To be honest, I had a few friends but without them life has no meaning for me, I used to be alone except the moment that I’m happy, actually I can’t taste gladness without sharing it with my friends.
On the other hand a close and understanding family sometimes is the greatest emotional fact that you can rely on without any doubt that you would lose their support, and this can make you happy and successful in your life. One thing that protects this happiness which is gained from your family is that, you neither get mad of your family nor they do, always you know that they love you, and this pure love is enough to make you happy.

In addition to the things mentions, there is a time that you find out you’re alone and there is no one to help you in your life, maybe this time you think that you can never be happy in your life again, but that’s the rule of life, all good things must come to an end, now it’s your time to go on and make yourself happy, you need to find a goal which would make you busy not to think about anything unpleasant and that’s enough to be happy. There are moments in my life which I’m so depress, and as I’m so selfish, it’s a little hard for me to seek happiness and get help from others, therefore I make myself busy with something, and that makes sad emotions away from me.

In brief you can find happiness everywhere every time, a beautiful sunshine, the color of a flower, the taste of food, the smell of coffee, a good song, a good shower, a kiss. How to be happy? It’s all about attitude, perspective and choices. And be sure that happiness is the most powerful tool to be prosperous in your life.

Motivator

There’s no one who can live without any purpose in their life, when you lose your aims there would be no reason to breath, whenever you find yourself, you would seek for ambitions in your life, notwithstanding that there’s nothing at the end; but having a goal in your life is the only reason to carry on living. Loving someone, wanting a better life, fearing future and the path that we’re walking, would help us to go ahead.

Love, some people would do anything for a simple deep affection, they even can become a monster, and love gives them such a power that they can do anything to approach their goal. It was a time that I gave my heart to someone, someone who was my dream, my life, my precious; in return it was just a smile, simply I lost my heart, I think it was the first time in my life that it was not just a loss, even it was so hard for me but It made me stronger, I found out something, Love is not my motivator; whenever I’m in love, my life doesn’t change in a positive way anymore, I lose the path, and totally change to a dumb fuck.

I always wanted a better life, I mean everybody want a better life it’s not just me; why we want to increase the quality of our life is still another question, but it’s a straight and a clear way to go on; I know that I’m at my wit’s end, and the only thing that I need is a nifty plan, I already have one, but really stuck in a bad situation, two month ago I thought I would give it a go, but now I really know that it’s the only way to make a change in my life; therefore I’m going to put my mind to it, till I can open up new possibilities.

Sometimes future is so unseen for me and fearing of it makes me dream my life away; most people would come up with a new strategy when they feel that their future is in an unsafe situation, but I’m my own worst enemy, I would ruin everything when I am not sure about something.

All I wanted to say is that I’m trying to give a meaning to my life; I know it’s not possible unless I do something serious and I can’t count on any one, but I really need a motivator, I know I’ve one but it’s so hard to approach and in this damn country you never can rely on anything and have a real plan for your life.

Back to life

Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse

Things will go wrong in any given situation, if you give them a chance. If there's more than one possible outcome of a job or task, and one of those outcomes will result in disaster or an undesirable consequence, then somebody will do it that way. Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time.

I think Iran is the best country for Morphy's laws, cuase if there's 50 percent chance for these lows to occur in Iran this chance would be 90 percent!!


here is some of these lows:

1. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong


2. Nothing is as easy as it looks.


3. Everything takes longer than you think.


4. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then


5. If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.


6. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.


7. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.


8. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.


9. Every solution breeds new problems.


10. You never run out of things that can go wrong.


11. All the good ones are taken.


12. If the person isn't taken, there's a reason.


13. Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.


14. Nice guys(girls) finish last.


15. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.


16. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.


17. A man in the house is worth two in the street.


18. Virginity can be cured.


19. Sex is dirty only if it's done right.


20. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.


21. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.


22. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.


23. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.


24. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.


25. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.

Solitude

You look so fine,

I want to break your heart,

And give you mine,

You're taking me over,

It's so insane,

You've got me tethered and chained,

I hear your name,

And I'm falling over,

I'm not like all the other guys,

I can't take it like the other guys,

I won't share it like the other guys

That you used to know,

Have you ever wished that you were the first one who could choose something for the first time?

Have you ever had mixed emotions about something? sometimes I feel that I don't want to see anyone, I can live alone and survive, but next min I'm so stressed out by looking at future and seeing myself alone.

You look so fine,

Knocked down,

Cried out,

Been down just to find out,

I'm through,

Bleeding for you,

I'm open wide,

I want to take you home,

We'll waste some time,

You're the only one for me,

I'm not like all the other guys,

I won't take it like the other guys,

I won't fake it like the other guys,

That you used to know,

Why do others destroy all things behind themself?

Once my sis said that she rather see the one she love die than watching herself suffer,

but I wish I could die instead of suffering, can wish something bad for someone I love.

Yea, I would die for you, I've been dying just to feel you by my side, to know that you're mine, Wish that no one was here that I could love, I'm so much stronger without love,

What's Love, hate Emotions, they're screwing my life, I'm standing in the shadows with the words stuck in my throat.

You're taking me over,

Over and overI'm falling over,

Over and over,

You're taking me over,

Drown in me one more time,

Do what you want to do,

Just pretend happy end,

Let me know let it show,

Ending with letting go,

Let's pretend, happy end

Is life anything just pretending? I donno if I'm so much real for you, is it so hard to pretend that life is fine, I hate life, I need time, I need you,

it's really Eight of swords, I'm stucked in this life.

Fever (Fear)

I always draw back from trying something new because of fear, fear that I might not make it, fear of being seen to make a mistake, even if that error is essential to finding the correct answer.

One thing that I'm always afraid of is being rejected from someone, you can always say that "well he/she didn't really know me" and "it's her/his loss" and "He/she just wasn't my type" but it don't really work, and your emotinons really hurts, feeling of failure and of not being wanted or not being good enough, is the worst feeling that you can ever experience.

All in my life there were just two person that I fear most, a woman and a man!

Can't have life without non of them and also with both of them! Even can't choose one of them!

I'm so afraid of making her upset, and don't know who he is!

Sure that soon I must face this fear.

:(

Heaven

Do you wanna go to Heaven? I don't ask if it really exist, just wanna know that do you really like this freaky place.

Do you feel guilty when you do something wrong? How long does it take to forget that mistake and back again to your usual life?

Do you think that being guilty because of being religious is somehow more than being dork, have you ever been acting like someone else just 'cause you thought that others whould not rely on you if you were yourself?

I hate people who makes me feel guilty, you know , sometimes it's not something that you've done that makes you feel guilt, it's just becuase of people that you feel like that, and if you were alone you never would feel guilty.

How much do you like to be yourself?

Have you ever felt guilty because of being yourself?

In my beliefs there is nothing such a Hevean or hell, or even God! We can make Heaven ourself, and God is nothing else than Love and we make the Heaven with our love.

I'm sure that I'm not in Heaven and I don't have any God, wish one day I could find a way to Heaven.

Green land

First of all I must appreciate Neda for inviting me to be part of this game,
but my life is like a cemetery for my death ambitions , this game meant to be something fun, however I lost so many wishes, but you know something the average of my new born hopes are much more than death ones.
There is something obvious that if you lose a dream, you never can get it again. The question often asked of a child is, “what is your ambition?" as I grew up, my answer ranged through lots of things, but there’s something that hasn’t changed yet, I want a simple life, you can’t imagine how much simple, I want a cottage middle of nowhere, maybe an island, there must be no need for car, telephone,…, I want mint and fresh nature, and of course I don’t want to see any human around, if you really can find a true man these days! Maybe once a week I like to have guests, I mean really close close friends like Pejvak!

First I wanted to say that I don’t need electricity but how can you live without that, especially there is no mean of cooking without electricity, one of my hobbies, is cooking, when I’m alone and don’t have anything to do and anything to care, my hands are creative, they can cook, draw, paint, knit, … ,
I want to have a garden which is mostly part of nature instead of an artificial garden, where my lovebirds can fly freely without of fearing of a stone which is throwing by a kid. There was a time that in this dream there had been someone else who I liked to share my whole life with, mais I don’t know why je suis seul in this dream.
To cut a long story short, I must say that, what I all want is a simple life without the pressure of future, do you know why I’ve this dream? Cause most of the times I get scared with my limitations and then act passively instead of actively. I also have this tendency to exaggerate my problems and then get overwhelmed by the magnitude. I really get scared and then instead of doing something about it I punish myself with not acting and getting scared even more!!! Maybe you can call it the shadow of limitations, cause if I face the problems, I’m sure that I can solve them, anyway I prefer to hide instead of solving them, and the point is that I hate to be under pressure, if there was someone who could decide and think about this damn future, I would do the rest.
Neda in her blog, had wished that if she could die after ones who she love, but in my dreams there is no end to anything, you’ve all the time on the world, BTW it’s to much pressure to think about if you die first or someone you love! ! !

p.s.1 do you know what's wrong with the first pic?

p.s.2 I want to invite Mademoiselles Romina, Negar, Shadi.

Woozy

I must warn you first, this post is bullshit, I don't mean that my last posts were good, but at least I was not unconscious when I was writing them,
I feel so dizzy right now, light really hurt my eyes so I turned it off, do you think I would survive?
I mean mentally or maybe physically!
the last time that I had this strange feeling was about 4 years ago, I was in a crowd but really alone, rolling drunk, the last part is shameless, I used drug too, I mean I was too much drunk that someone took it under my noise...
any way it was not just because of feeling drunk and drugged, it was the begining of a lost, not just the one I loved, loosing lots of thing, there is nothing worst than feeling like a jerk,
after that I've promised myself not to be drunk even if I was alone.
you know that, when you feel that it's your last days of your life you can love anyone, I wish I could know that what's happening to me, most of the people don't like to know about their future, they would be shit scared if they know that the day that they would die, but if I knew that it would be a sigh of relief for me, really I could live much more confident.

souvenir

It was really hard to think about the music that I like most, actually I love more than one song, mostly they’re sad songs which I have memory of them and like them so much, I’ve mixed emotions when I listen to “Au Café des Délices” by Patrick Bruel, maybe it’s because of its Arabic rhythm and the French singer with his sexy accent,
it’s about misty memories which are like an eclipse, a night full of stars on Tunis’ harbour, the wind from the van of your grandfather who’s sitting at the Cafe Des Delices,
it says that your memories get misty, you can see her again, that girl, the kiss that hurts in port El Kantaoui, the first love words on velvet songs, Abibi Abibi.
The Phrase Yalil, yalil Habibi Yalil is an introduction phrase that is usually used in every Arabian song.
This song reminds me of my lonely nights which I was really down, and worried for someone who really didn’t worth, Cafe des Delices is somehow a love song and as I told one of my friend I’m too old for this kinda stuff, I mean there was a time that I was so romantic, but these days I’m more tragic than romantic, so it’s better to talk about another song like” Je suis malade” by Lara Fabian, I really love her, I always brust into tears when I listen to this song, Lara Fabian is a singer who can fulfill your emotions with pain and her stong voice has the power to close you to tears.
I donno why I’ve just written about French songs, maybe it’s because most of my Exes like these songs and I’ve memory with them, have you ever heard “Ziggy” by Celine Dion??
This Canadian female vocalist is not just a singer who has a great voice, I feel that she’s so down to earth, a woman with very high level of emotions who can sing a song like that, actually she’s true, you can love some one even if you found out that you can never have him!
Mostly when I’m home I listen to Persian old songs, my favorite singers are females such as Simin Ghanem, Pouran, Marzieh, Sima Mafiha, Elahe... , once I remember that I wanted to translate one of Simin Ghanem’s songs for a foreign friend, it called Sib(apple) which is symbol of regret in this song, maybe my life is nothing just regret and that’s why I like this song so much. I snuggled so many times in the dark to this song… till I fell asleep.

USA Bombing Iran

Friday is my worst day in the week, in Iran Friday holiday, usually Thursday is so crowded in Tehran, because next day most people don't go to work, all streets, malls, shopping centres , parks,... (we don't have bar and club in Iran), anywhere you can go and have fun are so crowded, the traffic is so heavy Thursday night that you mostly are in your car waiting for red light to be green and when it's green the next sec it's red again, anyway city was so alive you could see people anywhere, shopping, walking, every restaurants and coffee shops were completely full, but nowadays it's somehow curfew, since Ahmadinejad have became our precious president people are sooooo happy that they even can't come to street alone, you can't wear anything just sac, the only colors that are allowed are black and grey, women must wear veil and cover all of their body, just one eye is allowed to be not covered, fortunately men have more choices, they can wear black or white long sleeved shirts, no hair style is allowed, and if you have wavy hair you're arrested.

look at these links:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=gj7_q97dqek

http://www.tiknews.org/albums/show/?id=62&pid=13

Any way these people are our whitelighter, our angel, our God!!! how can we not obey them!?

wish USA bombing us and all be dead but not slave of this Islamic Government.

P.S. it's raining cats and dogs, I thing even sky is sorry for Persian.

All good things must come to an end

Have you ever had the feeling that life is so nice, everything goes around exactly as you expect, then in the blink of an eye, everything changes and you become the only miserable man on the earth.

But you now something at that moment you may be a lucky man 'cause you can start again,

it depends on you, if you like to make a bubble and when it's floating on the air you enjoy it alot, then suddenly it would blow, at that time do you regret for that or start to make a new one, bigger and much more prettier?

when I'm running in a race , if I fall down, really I can't jump up, and start so fast, really need 5 min at least to lay down and feel that no one is around me, then I would continue with all of my strength.

Beginning

Look at my eyes, what can you find from them, deep and mysterious, my hair can easly distrak your attention, look at my lips, do you really think that I need to open them when my eyebrows can talk to you?

so you've an imagination of a monster, Belial, Lucifer,... who's always happy with his nasty works, and successful in his life, and approaches what ever he wants.

But the truth is the writer of this blog is such a looser, who feel so demolished right now.

Now you think that these looser can't even write, but you're wrong, every one has a level, maybe high maybe low, and when he catches that level he would start again, better than the last time, much more powerful, and you can see that black shine in my eyes is glowing.